Why do I love you?
by Michaelalizzy
Summary: One night, Ciel contemplates why he loves his butler. Why does he want to hear his voice speaking only to him? Why does he want to establish a strong bond of trust? Why does he crave Sebastian's warmth? Why does he love Sebastian so much? Should be a couple chapters long, just full of fluffy romance type stuff. SebaCiel of course.


**This is just some pointless fluff I wanted to write. I'm stuck on all my other stories and I got this idea for some reason and really wanted to try it. Oh, **_**and**_** of course, it's more SebaCiel stuff. Because they're awesome like that. (This will take a couple chapters to finish, as I think of things to add. I told you, I'm 13, and I don't know what love feels like! I had to freaking Google it, which is not the best way to go about something like this… thank GOD for incognito windows. XD)**

_I just want to clear this up. In case you can't figure it out, if things are in italics then that means Ciel is thinking them. Because I'm mainly working with Ciel right now. Italics= Thoughts. It's easy. _

_** Disclaimer: Neither Ciel nor Sebastian are mine. No matter how much I want them to be.**_

He loved him for so long.

He never told anyone.

He knew it was scandalous.

He knew it would be frowned upon.

He didn't want to embarrass the other.

He knew it was wrong.

But he knew it was true.

It had always been true: Ciel Phantomhive was in love with Sebastian Michaelis. But… why?

_Why do I love him?_

Ciel watched as Sebastian folded the clothes he had worn today and he watched as his butler slipped him into his nightshirt. He watched as Sebastian laid him down and tucked him in and bade him good-night. He watched as Sebastian stood up, holding the small candelabra and he watched as his retreating back exited the young earl's room.

_What is there to like about him?_

Ciel watched the door for a while before nuzzling himself into a self-made cocoon of blankets. He buried his face in his pillows, seeking warmth but finding only icy darkness. But he knew that no one would be able to comfort him ever again, he would never be able to wrap another's warmth around him. There was no one in his life anymore. Besides…

_Why do I seek refuge in his embrace?_

Ciel remembered a day, not long after their contract had been made. There was a thunderstorm and Ciel was scared. The thunder had reminded him of his kidnappers. Every crack of thunder reminded him of all of his own screams and cries of pain. From when they tortured him and when they abused him. That was the first moment Ciel had shown his weaker side to his new-found demon. He ordered Sebastian to stay with his for the night, until he woke up. Sebastian had gotten into bed with him and held the small boy in his arms all night. Ciel remembered exactly what his butler smelled like, even after the years that had gone by. He remembered his warmth and his… how was Ciel to explain this… he remembered what his butler had made him feel like. He felt safe and protected. That was also the first night he slept without nightmares.

But since then, they had not slept together. Ciel couldn't bring himself to show that side of himself to Sebastian again but he was no longer scared of thunder. But sometimes… he spoke without thinking, giving orders he knew he shouldn't give…

_Why do I long to hear his voice, speaking to me and me alone?_

Another day, a couple years ago Ciel had woken up from a nightmare. Sebastian was immediately by his bedside, asking if everything was alright. Ciel remembered his nightmare quite clearly, dark, faceless figures had been chasing him, but somehow, he knew who they were. They were… everybody. Everybody Ciel had ever known or worked with. Everybody Ciel had ever seen. Sebastian had fetched his young master a glass of water. Ciel sat up to drink it, swinging his legs over the bed to sit properly. But he was still shaken up by the nightmare and as soon as he accepted the glass, he tumbled forward into his butler's arms. Sebastian had caught both the child and the glass, not letting a drop spill. Ciel's sleep-deprived mind incoherently formed an order and gave it to Sebastian. In one fluid moment, Sebastian had swept Ciel up and sat on the bed, gathering Ciel in his lap. And then… he began to sing. He sang a lullaby Ciel hadn't recognized with his bleary mind but he had memorized his voice. It was soft, low and sweet, reassuring Ciel he was alright and the small boy quickly allowed himself to be lulled back to sleep. But even as he slept, he knew his butler still held him and could practically feel his red eyes watching the earl.

But since then, Ciel had not heard Sebastian sing again. Ciel wanted to but wasn't sure how to ask but he no longer had that nightmare. And from then on, there was something about his butler that he always noticed, whether he intended to or not…

_Why do I yearn to see his eyes filled with so much comfort and kindness?_

One particular moment stuck in Ciel's mind. He was at his desk, filling out paperwork and signing useless documents, not quite knowing or caring about what he was doing. He knew Sebastian would fix it before it was sent out. Eventually, Ciel had decided that his tailbone hurt too much to sit anymore and he stood, resolving to take a walk around the garden before he returned to his paperwork. He walked outside, basking in the peaceful silence. He paused and closed his eyes and took a deep breath. The day had smelt so wonderful, full of flowery scents and very spring-like. Sebastian truly had done a great job on the garden. Taking his time, Ciel made his way over to the white roses. Sebastian somehow knew they were the earl's favorite flowers and made sure there were always an abundance of them in the garden. He turned a corner but leapt back when he saw his butler kneeling among the flowers. He hid behind the roses and peeked out, trying to see what Sebastian was doing. He saw Sebastian rise, back still face him, and it seemed his butler had something in his arms. The demon began turning lazy circles, rocking a small black blob of fur in his arms. He was cooing something but Ciel didn't hear what. What the young boy _did_ notice was Sebastian's eyes. They were so… emotional… much different than normal. So gentle and tender and kindhearted. His luminescent eyes had entranced Ciel and he found himself wishing his butler would look at him like that. Just then, Ciel realized what he was thinking and turned to run. He ran to the front of the manor, where Sebastian might now see the door opening and him sprinting inside. He took the stairs two at a time outside the door but as he was almost at the top, he misjudged his leg length and fell forward, barely catching himself on his hands. He felt a scarping pain on his right shin and he looked down, only to see bright red blood running down his bare leg. His hands had many small scrapes on them as well. He accidently let out a small cry of pain as he bit down on his lip, trying now to cry. He squeezed his eyes shut, never imagining that someone would help him. Through his eyelids, Ciel could feel the sudden shade enveloping him and he bit his lip harder. He felt slender gloved fingers brushed against his cheek, wiping a stray tear away. Ciel's eyes snapped open to see Sebastian, who took his leg to inspect Ciel's injury. Without saying anything, Sebastian took Ciel in his arms and carried him to the closest bathroom where he began to clean the wound. When he sprayed it with disinfectant, it stung but Ciel's pain was contained by murmured words of encouragement, support and comfort coming from his butler. Ciel grimaced as he felt the slight pressure of Sebastian wrapping a bandage around his cuts before tending to his hands. All the while, Ciel sat in silence, watching his butler work with that same look of kindness and gentleness Ciel had seen on him before. Sebastian turned his head up to look his master in the eye, searching his face for any signs of pain or discomfort. Ciel looked down at his hands; the cuts had almost completely disappeared. Whatever his butler did, it had worked and made Ciel's hands, which were still slightly cramped from all the writing he had done, so much better. Sebastian asked if Ciel was okay and if he got hurt anywhere else. Ciel answered with a small shake of his head, before whispering thank you, he felt safe and in that moment, he knew that Sebastian would help him with anything he ever needed, until the end, no matter how insignificant. Sebastian gave Ciel a small smile, his eyes softening even more, still scanning the small boy's face as if looking for any lies. Ciel, not wishing for his butler to doubt him so, smiled back, hoping that Sebastian trusted him.

But since then, Ciel had never let his butler tend to him when he was injured. Ciel merely wished he had help when tending to himself but Ciel was no longer that clumsy. But he always made sure his butler trusted him…

**And that's where we have to stop. Next chapter will be up ASAP but this is hard for me, I don't know much about love or anything. But I'm happy with how this turned out, what do you think? I just need to come up with something good for next chapter. Ideas anyone? XD But just a little FYI, next chapter will be an immediate continuation from this same night for Ciel. Just making sure that's clear. I'm headed off to bed myself, night!**


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